After fighting off a cold that wanted to be bronchitis and winning (by the grace of God alone), I have found a bigger opponent: deep and dark–inky dark– blues. In days like these I measure each step and emotion and compare it to the pre-liberation days when my MS was at its worst. After searching the notes that I wrote on the way to my first Liberation Procedure, I’m assured that things are not currently as bad as they were four months ago. My balance is still much improved. My fatigue continues to be lessened. I never went back to Provigil twice a day, but I take my morning dose out of habit and I think a little fear. The issue of trusting my body is an ongoing learning process! Although I am not exhausted after a full day as in the past, I am not as resilient as I had been after each of the procedures. That is what tells me that some restenosis has probably occurred. My appointment on Valentine’s Day will assess the blood flow and I will have an answer then. I haven’t taken my Copaxone for a long time. I think after October 4th I injected about 12 times the first month, and once early in both November and December. Not injecting is not at the suggestion of Dr. Mehta–au contraire! But I have an ethical dilemma —do I believe that many of my MS symptoms are the result of restricted blood flow from the brain? And if so, then for what do I need the chemicals of the injected drug? If I believe that way, and I do, then I should take a stand. And that is why, basically, I do not inject. ( Just in case anyone out there is wondering.)
Now it’s time to make dinner. Tonight is tilapia night. And brown rice with mushrooms and peas (never made it like that before but that’s what I’m making). And fresh mango for ‘dessert’. I do love me some mangoes!