Yesterday I went into the MRI machine-from-hell again to have my brain and neck checked out. It was the loudest exam ever, with the added bonus of shaking, pounding and thumping—a true virtual experience! The ear plugs didn’t work well for the first part. I had the really great techs pull me out and readjust the plugs –I pushed them so far in my ear I wondered if they’d come out—and my ears were padded with little bags that they use for positioning. When I went in the second time, I was given a gentle warning that there’d be no more chances for readjusting and then the sounds were more muffled but the pads were pushing my jaw out of alignment. So, painful either way. I spent my time thinking about how nice my pictures were going to come out. That, and I thought quite a bit about the movie I watched the night before about a woman named Irena Sendler who helped 2500 Jewish children escape from the Warsaw ghetto in the 1940’s. I mean, how much pain did all of those kids and their families experience? My pain = nothing.
A few minutes ago I received a call from my neurologist with the MRI results. My brain was “stable, no changes, nothing enhancing”. My neck is a mess with bulging discs and some impingement at C-7 (which is the source of my right arm’s pins and needles). She was wondering if a lesion at C-2/3 was new, but it wasn’t enhancing so it wasn’t active. She said it probably has been there just not picked up on the last scan. Lesion at C-4 is small, unchanged, old.
What exactly does this mean, in relation to my CCSVI procedures since my last MRI? I’m not progressing! That’s all I know, because this doctor won’t believe in a connection between my MS and CCSVI until “more research is in.” In our conversation, she alluded to my liberation by expressing concern that I’d step over the line (she means a stent). She knows that her arsenal of drugs is of no use to me, and perhaps she thinks (but just for a nanosecond) that she is of no use to me either. Maybe I’ve graduated from her MS class and am moving on with my life. Like an inspiring teacher who believes her student can succeed and sends her on her way to do just that— that is how I regard this neurologist. One day, I hope she’ll regard me as a survivor and not a traitor. Until then, I celebrate the good news of a stable brain MRI!!!
ps. Yesterday I turned in all of my UNUSED Copaxone syringes! One more bridge burned.