Reluctance to blog

I’ve been reluctant to continue this blog, as you can tell by my recent lack of entries.  I think it started when someone told me the no one reads what I write and that I should never ask people if they read this or my newsletter articles because if those folks say yes, they are lying.  I tried not to care, because I know a few people were reading. Still, I began doubting myself—what did I have to say that was worthwhile?  I started to worry about being preachy or misrepresenting myself.  Additionally, I’ve had a general feeling of being overwhelmed by stuff and bogged down by the enormity of my own pain.  I guess enormity might be overstating, but that’s what it feels like at times. Sometimes the pain isn’t any greater than my normal load of pain; other times it’s an additional emotional pain that adds to the physical. I just don’t know why, but there it is. Poets would call it angst; swimmers would call it a near-drowning.  Whatever it is, or was, I think it’s passed.

And this blog will continue. I will not switch to another ‘new beginning’ and let this shrivel up and die. No, I will not. I will do this for me.

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7 thoughts on “Reluctance to blog

  1. What a courageous post this is!!

    I think we can all be guilty (I certainly can) of doubting ourselves; it is, I feel sure, part of the human condition.

    And we all have something to say! I was delighted when I came across your blog a month or two ago and have been watching and waiting for posts. So I, for one, am so pleased you are going to continue with it. If people don’t read it then that is their loss.

    Also, I don’t think the word “enormity” in this context is an overstatement. Some days the emotional pain caused by my MS is so great I can’t find any words for it and of course it is deeply entwined with the physical too; I don’t think they can be separated really.

    I struggle at the moment because when I was dx in March (although I have had symptoms for years) I felt slightly euphoric as I now had a name for this “thing” that had invaded my being. However such euphoria has now dwindled as I am left with the daily reality that I have SPMS which has worsened rapidly over the past year and I am scared – what of? – everything, mainly losing my independence. I am/was such an active person and I loved crafts which I can no longer do. That, I think, is where the poetry has emerged from, (as long as I have one finger left to type with!! LOL)

    Please don’t give up here; I know your posts will be inspirational as this one has been for me.

    My love to you

    Christine

    • Christine,
      Thanks for the encouragement—I so appreciate it!

      The first year after the diagnosis is that way for so many of us–relief in finding a name, and then reality. It’s hard to find our way, make health decisions, keep up with the dailiness of life, all while feeling symptoms. It’s like our world spins off its axis and the living of our dreams vaporizes!
      Then at the best times, I like to think of MS’s impact as a chance for reinvention! So it seems with your poetry, coming from the very essence of you!

      Do you have access to a voice-activated computer program? In the US there’s one called “Speaking Dragon”. Maybe it could help you with your typing. Because I’ll be reading you, too. 🙂

      Love,
      Donna

  2. Thank you Donna.

    I will check out the voice activated computer program! Or should I say I will get my daughter to check it out with me!

    And you are right – it can be a time for re-invention!

    Keep up the blogs!!!! 🙂

    Love

    Christine

  3. Donna, do not give up your blog please. You are right on the money with your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I wonder if you’ve gotten into my brain. It seems that the “stuff” I’m feeling, you’re writing about. Keep it up.

  4. I will always read everything you have to say! Please return to blogging if you can. I g=find you to be such an amazing and understanding friend of mine!

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